When all else fails, scream and carry on
by BeyondLawlietL
Summary: When Englands expirements go wrong and turns America, Russia and France into five year olds, China has to babysit! First FF, Woot! Please be gentle. . ."
1. You want me to WHAT?

Hey, guys! I'm Beyond, and this is my first Fanfiction I actually decided to write. Yeah, I have like fifty million ideas but I never wrote any.

ANYWAYS, I'll get on with the story. Thank you RabidOtakuGirl for helping me come up with the idea while on the phone.

Rabid: WELCOME!

Disclaimer: Beyond no own Hetalia. Yet.

BTW- NOT historically accurate!

Chapter 1: You want me to WHAT?

China sighed as he sat on his porch outside his house. Ever since WW2 ended, he'd been bored out of his mind and Korea wouldn't stop bothering him.

All of a sudden, his phone rang. Assuming it was Korea freaking out because he somehow thought that China didn't "love" him anymore, he answered with a sharp, "What now, aru?"

"China?" he heard an English accent ask. Whoops. "I need you help. An experiment went wrong and I really need you help."

China felt a pulse of excitement. Finally, something to do not Korea related.

"Sure, England, aru. Where should I go?"

"Just come to my house. Thanks, China, I owe you one," and with that, China heard a dull click.

China got up ad went to his car and drove to England's house as fast as he possibly could. He wasn't very used to driving since he didn't have to really drive anywhere really.

Once he arrived, he was greeted by a frantic Englishman that looked very uneasy. "China! I'm glad you're here. Follow me inside."

"Okay, aru."

Once he got inside, he was met with 3 yelling, screaming and very hyper 5 year olds, As he looked at them more closely, he saw they were Russia, America and France. Oh gosh.

"I know what you're thinking," England said before China had time to walk out, "mu experiment went wrong when I was trying to create a cure for illnesses around the world. Somehow, there three got in here and the spell backfired. They got turned into 5 year olds, and if we don't find a cure soon, we'll have to raise them all over again." His face went dark with horror. It looked like he didn't wasn't to raise America. Again.

"What do you want me to do, aru?"

"Can you watch there three while I try to reverse the spell?"

China stiffened. "You want me to WHAT, aru?"


	2. Growing Pains

Chapter 2: Growing Pains

Disclaimer: Beyond no own Hetalia.

"Please, China!" England begged. "I don't want to raise America again. And I certainly don't want to start with France. And, I'm sure you don't want to raise Russia," England smirked. He had hit the bulls eye.

China sighed. "Fine, I'll babysit there three, aru."

England's face lit up. "Thank you, China! This may take a while, so be prepared for anything, You can stay here at my house until I come up with the cure. I'll be in my casement if you need me, but try not to need me." And with that, England disappeared.

China was alone with America, Russia and France. Wonderful. And they were all trying to kill each other at the moment. Even more wonderful.

China grabbed France and America by their shirts because he was afraid to grab Russia.

"Put me down! Put me down!" the small American screamed. France was just laughing in his creepy French laugh, and Russia was just standing there, smiling innocently.

"Listen up! I am your babysitter until England returns, aru, You should obey me and do whatever I saw, aru!" China said strongly. Truthfully, though, he was terrified of the three five year olds he had to watch.

America, France and Russia all made eye contact slyly, and smiled mischievously.

"Yes, China," they all said in unison. Now this was weird. They never really had listened to China when they were older, why would they listen now? China gave them suspicious looks, and set America and France down.

"Um, go play or something, aru."

They all smiled again and went to go play with the toys England had gotten out from when America was little. They were all kind of old, but still toys nonetheless.

America picked up a toy wooden sword, and looked at France with an evil glow to his eyes. "He did say 'or something'," he said slyly. France nodded, and picked up a wooden toy horse. They stalked around China who was too busy staring in horror at Russia, who was dissecting a doll, to notice.

Whack! China felt a large pain in the back of his head, and the blows only kept coming, seeming like they would never cease to stop. He turned toward his attackers to only get a stray blow to his nose, nearly breaking it. China glared at the two boys a Russia worthy glare. France and America stood frozen for only a few moments before yelling, "He's seen us! Attack without hesitation!"

China then felt something along the lines of small wooden soldiers being thrown at him as fast as the speed on light, and then was out like a light when the power went out.


	3. Trying to Maintain Sanity

Hey! It's Beyond! Shout out to CATZ-IN-3D for Reviewing! :D *Hug strangles her/him*

ANYWAYS, Disclaimer: Beyond no own Hetalia.

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><p>China felt a humongous pain growing ever more in his head as he came to. When he opened his eyes, he was face-to-face with a small five year old that was wearing a smirk and a big brown coat that was way too big for him, but hadn't taken it off. "Man, you were out for two hours!" America yelled.<p>

China twitched. 'Two hours, aru?' he screamed mentally. He tried getting up but found that he had been tied up by a jump rope to a chair. Classic.

China glared at his captor. "What England finds out, you'll be in so much trouble, aru!" he yelled at him. America's smirk just widened.

"IF he finds out."

"If, aru?"

America just nodded. Man this was kind of turning out to be kind of like one of those secret agent movies. Ah, well.

China squirmed, trying to see if he could get out, clearly forgetting that he created one of the most famous fighting styles ever. America just kind of stood there, trying not to laugh his head off. "Amerika!" he heard a yell from the kitchen.

"With what, commie?"

"Just come before I rip your face off, da?"

America groaned. "Fine! I'm coming! And with that bounded out of the room, leaving China dumb founded.

China suddenly remembered that he had created and mastered one of the most famous fighting styles ever. He did something to snap the ropes and ran toward the noise that was in the kitchen. When he came upon the destructions, which were broken plates scattered around, chairs flipped over, and all he could see were three five year olds, each one on each other's shoulders with America on the bottom, trying to reach something.

"What are you three doing, aru? You get down this instant, aru!" China yelled, anger evident in his voice.

The trio was startled and fell over, landing with a loud "BAM!" When they looked back up to an extremely angry China, they did what instinct as a country told them to do. ATTACK!

China was tackled by them, letting out a startled yell. Russia started pulling on his ponytail, France started to grope him while also holding him down and America was biting with extremely sharp teeth at his exposed skin.

"Ouch, aru! Stop it! Get off of me, aru!" as much as he wanted to hurt them, he couldn't bring himself to hurt a five year old, even if the five year old was hurting him instead. Then, an idea came to him. These things weren't really five year old. They were at least 100 years old each, and only appeared to be smaller.

Just as he realized this, China's cell phone rang.

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><p>Bahaha. =3= I've been writing stories for at least the last 4 hours and I want to kick the bucket. But I probably won't cause I'm extremely bored.<p> 


	4. Unecessary Troubles

It's Beyond! Kon'nichiwa! Anyways, I'll get on with it because I'm sure that you don't want to hear my rambling on and on about something you don't even care about. Oh snap, I did it again. Ah, well.

Disclaimer: Beyond no own Hetalia.

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><p>China's phone was ringing, and all four of the fighting bodies stopped, not even daring to breathe. China shot the three boys flares before answering, "This is China. How may I help you, aru?"<p>

"Aniki!" a voice yelled that China recognized instantly. "Where are you, da-zee? I'm at your house, and you're not here!"

China stifled a groan before replying, "I'm okay, Korea, aru. I had to do something last minute, and WHY ARE YOU AT MY HOUSE, ARU?"

He heard giggling on the other side of the line, "Why wouldn't I be, da-zaa? It's your birthday, Aniki!"

China blinked. "It's my what, aru?"

"Well, when a man and a woman love each othe-"

"I KNOW, ARU. I JUST DIDN'T KNOW IT WAS MY BIRTHDAY, OKAY ARU?"

The three five year old nations looked at one another. What? It was china's birthday? They all wondered mentally. They then felt slightly bad about all the things they had done to him since he arrived.

"Aniki, are you sure this isn't just a cover like when those ladies pretend they're turning thirty but they're really turning 40?"

"No, aru! Why would I care? I'm immortal and 4000 yea-"

"Four thousand and one."

"Whatever, aru! I don't care how old I am!"

"Do you want me to come over, Aniki?"

"No, aru!"

"Too bad. Where are you?"

"No telling, aru."

"No matter. I put a tracking device on your phone." China then heard a click, and he could no longer stifle the groan that really needed to come out.

China then turned his head toward the three confused children. China sighed and said blankly, "Korea is coming, aru, Come on, let's clean up here before he arrives, aru."

Instead of complaining, the trio just nodded and got to work sweeping up glass, putting chairs right side up, etc.

"What were you trying to get anyways, aru?" China asked, remembering that they were all on each others shoulders earlier.

They all looked sheepishly at him, looked at the ground, and then replied, "England's scones."

China burst out laughing. "Why would you want those, aru?" he managed around the laugh.

"We wanted to force feed them to you, da?"

China stopped laughing and shot them all glares Belarus worthy. How dare they try to kill him? Especially on his birthday he didn't know about.

At that moment, he heard a knock on the door. Rolling his eyes, China made his way toward the door. "Happy Birthday, Aniki! I have come to wish you happiness and claim you for Korea, da-zee!"

China glared at Korea. "You're not claiming me, aru! I already did that! Go make yourself useful and help England of something, aru!"

Korea looked puzzled. "Why, Aniki? Did something happen?" Then, at that moment, he finally noticed the three small nations.

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><p>Chapter 4 down! MUAHA- Yeah. I guess I'll finish this story tonight. Whoot!<p> 


	5. Glare at the one named Yong Soo

You're probably getting bored of me by now. It's okay, I get bored of my comments, too~

Disclaimer: Beyond no own Hetalia.

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><p>Korea fell on the floor, laughing like a hyena. China flared at him until he finally stopped. "How did this happen, Aniki?" Korea managed, trying to catch his breath.<p>

"England was working on something and it went wrong, aru. Somehow," he stared at the three short things who were all smiling innocently, "these three got in here."

"Ooh. That makes sense, da-zee~"

China twitched, "How, aru?"

Korea just smiled and quickly changed the subject. "So, you want me to help England, da-zee?"

China nodded and pointed toward the basement. Korea smiled again and ran down and, somehow, didn't make a sound. China turned toward the five year olds again. "So… what do you three want to do, aru?"

"Let's watch a movie!" America suggested.

"Okay, aru. What movie do you guys want to watch?"

"Beauty and the Beast? Ohonhonhon~"

"You only wanna watch that because it takes place in your country! I say we watch Agent Cody Banks!

"Anastasia, da?"

After about ten minutes of fighting, China couldn't take it anymore. "We will watch Mulan and that is final, aru!" not wanting to listen to theu complaints, he just went and put the video into the player. Then , he picked up each kid, yes, even Russia, and set them down in front of the TV. Being sucked in by the movie, they didn't complain.

"Do any of you want popcorn, aru?" With no response from them, China took it as a yes.

As he put the popcorn into the microwave, he heard a loud, "Bam!" from the basement. He checked on the boys still in front of the TV, and ran downstairs.

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><p>Sorry it's so short. =3= The next chapter will be longer, I promise. CROSS MY HEART AND HOPE TO DIE.<p> 


	6. Place Clever Chapter Name Here

I love the song Insanity~ I'm having so much fun writing this when I should be working on my math homework in study hall.

Disclaimer: Beyond no own Hetalia.

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><p>The first thing China saw when he arrived downstairs was an explosion of black against everything around a table of broken test tubes and books. Second, he saw two piles of clothes looking like England's and Korea's. Third, he saw two small people, blinking and wondering what the heck happened.<p>

Then, China screamed.

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><p>After his scream, he heard a really loud crying sound. "Crying, aru?" he thought. He looked down at the two people and saw one of them was the source of the crying. And either England was younger than five, or he was extremely small and short at that age.<p>

Wanting the pounding in his ear from the crying to stop, he wracked his brain for ideas. Singing? Maybe that would work. China tried thinking of English folk songs until he finally thought of one.

"Shh, don't cry, England, aru. Um, London Bridge is falling down, aru. Falling dow-"

Knowing the true meaning of the song, England began to scream at the top of his lungs. China threw his hands in the air in defeat, when he remembered he had raised Hong Kong, Korea, Taiwan AND Japan all by himself.

Letting his motherly- erm, I mean fatherly instincts kick in; he picked up England and began to soothe him, humming a song in his native tongue.

When England was finally quiet, he looked at Korea who had somehow managed to keep quiet, took his hand and led him up the stairs to the bathroom to wash up.

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><p>Dressing Korea in a kimono he had Japan drop off, he sent the little Korea to go watch another movie with the others.<p>

Wrapping England in a blanket, China decided England had gotten turned into a five MONTH old, not a five YEAR old. Maybe, since he had been the closest to the chemicals and magic that he had most likely had been turned younger. He didn't know, honestly. All China knew was that when England started crying from hunger, he had no idea what the heck he'd do.

Procrastinating the idea for now, China took England back to the living room to see what the four boys were watching.

Suppressing a laugh when he saw they were watching Tangled, he sat down on the couch and watched with them with little England laying on his chest.

After a whole lot of laughing, crying and happiness, china looked at the clock, feeling drowsy.

10:30; China blinked in surprise. He didn't think it had been that late... He looked over at the small sleeping people in front of him; they all looked cute like that. Even France.

China got up and put baby England on his bed, then went and, one by one, picked up each sleeping five year old and put them in Englands guest beds, two per bed.

China walked groggily back to where baby England laid, and flopped on the bed, closing his eyes as he fell.

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><p>Almost done~ I'm so happy you guys put up with me so far =3= Love ya all~<p> 


	7. Ending

It's been so long~ And I've been busy. Lawl. I'll get on with it.

Disclaimer: I dun own Hetalia. IF I DID… things would happen.

-Line-

China opened up his weary eyes to see a wide-eyed five year old staring back. Startled, China yet out a *Manly* scream and scoot backwards. "YONG SOO WHAT THE HECK ARE YOU DOING, ARU?"

"Watching you sleep!"

"… Why, aru?"

"It's fun, da?" Russia cut in as China noticed him standing right next to Yong Soo.

"Yeah, Chinese dude!" America agreed.

"And I watch you in your sleep regularly, da-zee!"

"… I'll pretend I never heard that, aru."

The three little nations just grinned. "What do you want from me, aru?"

"China, we're hungry and we're incapable of reaching microwaves or stoves, da?"

"Alright, aru! I'll go cook some breakfast, aru."

Meanwhile Korea and America took it upon themselves to get England ready. China was too busy arguing with Russia on what to make to notice before he heard crying.

When China turned, he saw Korea holding England. Upsidedown.

"Korea, aru! Don't hold babies like that! It could easily kill them, aru!"

"Why, da-zee?" Korea said, muffled with one of England's feet shoved into his cheek.

"Just… don't do it, okay aru?" China replied as he grabbed England away from the five year old and held him the right way and shooed the three kids into the kitchen and made them sit on chairs around a dining table. He put England on a chair and prayed that he wouldn't fall over and break his neck.

After deciding he would just make pancakes, China was in no time flipping the round circles into the air like a mad man. Scratch that, like a housewife.

"They're ready, aru!" He stated proudly and put the stack in the center of the table to let the ravenous five year olds get at it. He pored every one of them a glass of milk, demanding that they drink it all, and if they didn't, he'd sick a dragon on them. Let's just say they drank pretty quickly.

China finally figured to just put milk into a bottle and feed it to England that way he didn't need a girls help and damage his pride of being a guy, even though he acted like a girl 99.9% of the time.

America, being the big mouth and big eater, drank all of his milk first. About 5 seconds after drinking it, though, he began growing. He grew and grew while the others (Except England who was oblivious) stared, eyes wide and mouths agape.

America then grew to his normal age, which made the other two gulp down milk twice as fast. China willed England to drink faster, who did not.

A couple minutes later, both Korea and Russia were normal aged and size. China was rejoicing and wanting to dance around the room, but couldn't since England wouldn't drink any faster, no matter how much China willed him to.

Finally, which seemed like hours later, England finished the bottle and started growing like the rest until he was in Chinas lap, still trying to suck the living daylights out of the bottle. When realizing what position he was in, England blushed and got up, demanding everyone get out of his house immediately.

He pretty much only got laughs and 'Kol kol kol''s. Then, after being stubborn like England is, America finally convinced everyone to watch another kid's movie, which was Cars!

America sat next to England, stealing a kiss or two every couple minutes, making England blush like mad. China sat in Russia's lap while blushing almost as hard as England, and Korea sat there, complaining that Russia didn't own China, Korea did.

-End-


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